I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize