I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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