Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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