So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
