Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
