eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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