remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
