Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
