tell your sister to shave her snatch
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
