I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a search helicopter?!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
