Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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