I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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