some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
