Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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