We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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