I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
