I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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