I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
