She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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