he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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