if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
