swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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