i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
