That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
