White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
