The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize