We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
