It's Friday. Sex?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
