Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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