ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
