Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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