Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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