i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
