i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
time to smoke my breakfast
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
