That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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