John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
