I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize