mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
