Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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