I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize