Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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