Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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