Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
