ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
