I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
