My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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