You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
