Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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