Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
