Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
